Blue Raspberry Blitz
by civilwarrose
Summary: The Treblemakers' lunch is interrupted one day when Bumper is stealth-attacked. Jesse/Beca with hints of Bumper/Amy and Donald/Stacie. Oneshot for now.


**All characters belong to the movie Pitch Perfect.**

_Song lyrics copywright of the Gap Band, written by L. Simmons/C. Wilson/R. Taylor, 1981_.

...

One afternoon a week after the semi-finals, a few of the Treblemakers met up for lunch in the Moore Student Center. It was Barden U's gigantic newer building that resembled a shopping mall. Jesse, Donald and Bumper were sitting and eating sub sandwiches in a circular table, beneath the stairwell balcony.

"Hey Bumper, Donald and I got a new one to throw in the mix. You want to hear it?" asked Jesse.

Bumper just looked at them both with his signature Bumper-Jerkass face, narrowing his eyes a moment and finally, muttering, "Fine."

Jesse launched into a funky rendition of "You Dropped a Bomb on Me." Donald sang backup and added his beatboxing to the tune-

_You were the girl who changed my world_

_You were the girl for me_

_You lit my fuse, I stand accused_

_You were the first for me_

_But you turned me out!_

_You dropped a bomb on me, baby_

_You dropped a bomb on me_

_You dropped a bomb on me, baby_

_You dropped a bomb on me-_

"Stop! Quit! Okay, I've heard enough." Bumper interrupted the two before they could start on the second verse. "That sucks. I mean royally. _That. Song. Sucks_. Why the hell do you want to add some old shit to our medley?"

"It's the Gap Band," said Jesse. "That song hit number two on the R&B charts in 1983."

Donald nodded. "A classic, dude."

"No." Bumper dismissed them. "Forget it. You're _not_ adding more stupid songs to the medley. We're singing the stuff I planned for the Nationals. Just like what we rehearsed. Got it, Swanson?"

Jesse shrugged, and looked over at Donald. "Fine, whatever. We just thought-"

**SPLOOOSH!**

Jesse couldn't finish his sentence, because at that moment, a flood of blue liquid and crushed ice came down in a torrent directly on top of Bumper's head.

Jesse and Donald jumped back, scooting their chairs away from the deluge.

"Whooooah!"

Blue slushie drink covered Bumper completely, his grey shirt soaked with it so that it was blue rather than grey, ice cubes covered his hair, even his face was blue. The stuff was splattered completely over their lunch table, and was quickly dripping and puddling the cafeteria floor.

Jesse looked up to where the assault could have come from. On the third floor stair balcony, a hand was seen dropping an empty plastic cup. A voice echoed through the cafeteria, singing.

_"Tasmanian Slush Bomb! WOOO-HOOO!"_

Bumper looked upward, and the plastic cup hit him smack in the face. The few dozen students sitting in the cafeteria laughed.

_"See ya laay-taaah, Treble Turd!" _Fat Amy's voice sang throughout the hall.

Jesse and Donald laughed quietly, both glad that _they_ were not collateral damage. "Bumper, I think you've been Aca-Ambushed," Jesse quipped.

Bumper stood up and shook the ice cubes out of his hair. He tried to splash some of the puddled Slushie on the table on Jesse and Donald, but they quickly hopped out of his range. He grabbed his leftover soggy sandwich and ran a few steps toward the stairs, but slipped in the mess and fell on one knee.

"Shit! Shit!" He stumbled up again and looked to the balcony. Fat Amy had long gone, she was probably in the Skywalk by now. He couldn't possibly chase her up three flights of stairs, and catch up with even HER to chuck the sandwich at her head.

Defeated, Bumper walked back to the table. Donald picked up a sodden ketchup cup. "Want to get her with this?"

"Screw you," Bumper sneered. "I'll get her later. I just can't right _now_. She has ancient history class for the next hour and a half, then advanced music theory. She won't be free until four, but then, I have to go to-"

"You seem to have pretty intimate knowledge of Amy's class schedule," Jesse said, grinning and brushing a few drops of the drink off one arm.

For a second, Bumper's eyes widened and he had a guilty "I'm busted" look on his sticky blue face, but then he quickly fixed it into his trademark Jerkass look again.

"We have to keep tabs on the Bellas until the competition," he began, trying to find a dry napkin on the table to wipe his face but failing, "You spend a lot of time with Mitchell, I know you want to bone her, so that makes my job a little easier. We have to watch every single move they make, find their weaknesses. _Strategy._" he said with a wise-guy nod.

His mention of Beca and boning caused Jesse's cheeks to pinken for a second. Truth is, Jesse hadn't even gone to first base with Beca at all. And it was not his intention to even get to second or third unless he _knew_ they had a real thing going.

Call him a dork, but that was where Jesse stood. What was developing between him and Beca wasn't any of Bumper's business anyway.

"Hey Donald, _you_ keep sticking with Stacie, got it?" Bumper asked the lanky Indian student.

Donald grinned. "I'll try, but I'll need eye bleach if I go wherever she goes," he said. Donald knew that Stacie got around, but he still held up hope that she would someday be his.

"All right. So anyway, Tasmanian She-Devil is goin' _down_. I'm all over her like Bieber on my little sister's wall. As you can see-" he gestured to his blue Slushie-soaked self, "it's WAR with her!"

Donald and Jesse chuckled again and grabbed their bags, leaving him alone to try to clean up the mess himself.

When they were gone, Bumper looked out the gigantic window of the student center at the Skywalk connecting the building to Hughes Hall, where Amy's class was starting. Inside the Skywalk, he spotted a Rubenesque female figure in a pink shirt moving slowly to the other end.

He quickly fumbled in his damp pocket and got his phone out. _Better not be ruined_, he thought. The phone was dry.

He punched Amy's number as fast as he could, and texted.

_Blue's your favorite flavor._

_My room ASAP. _

_YOU WILL LICK IT OFF MY HEAD._

He pushed send, and glanced up to the Skywalk again. A second later, he saw her throwing her head back as if in laughter, and then her head lowered. She disappeared into Hughes Hall.

Bumper's phone whistled.

_"Which head, turdface?"_

He texted back,

_Both, bubble ass._

...

Amy put her phone back in her book bag and snort-laughed, thinking about how long Bumper would have to wait covered in sticky blue slushie-goo until she was able to get done with the day's classes.


End file.
